


"Do you think there's fanfiction?"

by Anotherlostblogger



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Dirty Talk, M/M, Metafiction, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 12:14:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13189872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherlostblogger/pseuds/Anotherlostblogger
Summary: This is about to get very meta but it does not necessarily depict real life events and/or my actual opinions about the lovely fanfic on this site.





	"Do you think there's fanfiction?"

**Author's Note:**

> This has no redeemable value. Cheers

It was the last Post-Mortem of the season, and with it came a certain relief. The finish line was within sight. As much as he loved doing this show (and he did, despite what some fans suspected), Shane Madej was ready for a break.

"Alright, last question," Ryan was saying, grinning at him as he looked over at his phone. "This one comes from Twitter-Johnny on the Spot asks, 'Have you guys checked out some of the fanfiction written for the show? And if yes, what do you guys think?'"

Shane had already tensed the moment Ryan read the word 'fanfiction', but Ryan was giving him that shit-eating grin that suggested he was waiting for Shane to say something funny, and he sighed, beginning to tap his pencil on the table in irritation.

"Actually, I haven't done too much digging, but Bigfoot here apparently has dug into some of your stories-" Ryan was trying to get him to smile now, but Shane was merely shaking his head at him. "I think it's safe to say, he's not a fan," Ryan said to the camera. "Of your fiction. Sorry."

"No, it's not-" Shane hesitated, not wanting to lose some of their main demographic or seem patently like a wet-blanket, "It's not like... I'm against the idea entirely. It's kind of-"

"It's kind of flattering," Ryan cut in, and Shade nodded, conceding. "Yeah, sure-"

"-I mean to know that we've made it to fanfiction level. Like, we're like the X Files or something-"

"You mean like Mulder and Scully?"

Ryan laughed and his grin was still taking up most of his face, "Yeah! Like, that's a compliment!"

"I mean, yes, okay, to some extent it is, but the smut-" "Oh my god-" "The porn is a tad...much."

Ryan had dissolved into a fit of laughter that appeared there was no return from, but Shane was doing much better, sighing and looking at the camera like a put-upon teacher in his cardigan and glasses, tapping his pencil away impatiently.

"You don't find that flattering?" Ryan asked in an amused voice, "That people like...to write about your-"

"Ugh. Okay, before everyone thinks I'm just a prude, let me set the record straight," Shane said, putting his hands and his cards on the table, "I don't like it because it's always like, 'here comes Ryan Bergara, ray of sunshine, straight from heaven," there were tears of laughter in Ryan's eyes as Shane continued in a silly voice, "'and here I come, the spawn of Satan himself, come to-to-to corrupt you or something."

"To corrupt me?!" Ryan wheezed, "Like, like, I'm a little schoolboy?" Shane squirmed a bit in his seat, "I mean, yeah, actually-"

"Like, 'Oh, Mr. Madej, I need some help with my homework or I'm not going to pass this class,'" Ryan went on, affecting a breathy imitation of a porn-star voice, batting his eyes at him, and Shane felt his face heat, and he began to spin his pencil with a bit more momentum, "Right, well-"

"Or, like 'I've been a really bad boy, daddy, I guess you'll need to spank me-'" Ryan said, affecting a pout that could have sucked the wind from God's sails. Shane opened his mouth and nothing came out.

"Or like, 'Shane, I think there are ghosts in the house can you hold me?' Ryan closed his eyes, scrunching his brow together 'Yeah, like that,'" he said with a little faux-moan and Shane snapped his pencil in half.

"Good lord," Shane said, sounding like he'd been punched in the gut, "Yes, I think we get it-"

"-What's the matter Madej? You don't want to corrupt me?" Ryan asks, blinking at him with those ridiculous doe-eyes and the silence that follows is evidence enough but Ryan doesn't drop it. 

"Who's to say I haven't corrupted you already?" Shane asks, trying for funny and failing when Ryan's smile turns a bit dirty. "I made a pact with the devil, but he treats me right," Ryan says to the camera and then Shane is flustered again, "Oh, alright." 

"Let me guess, you top," Ryan went on like nothing had happened, like Shane hadn't tried to move the conversation away from this topic, like it wasn't driving him insane.

"You mean in fanfiction?" Shane asks sarcastically, and Ryan's smirk only looks more satisfied, "or, you know, in real life." 

Shane takes a long sip of his tea, cutting his eyes at the camera and Ryan throws his head back and laughs. "So, that's a yes..."

"Actually, yeah, from what I can tell, usually-"

"Probably because you're like 80% leg-"

"Or because you're like 80% slut," Shane said without thinking, and it caught even him off guard.

Ryan was still smiling but something tangibly had changed in the air, "What did you just say?"

It wasn't too late to play it off like a joke: Ryan was giving him an easy out, but the flush on Ryan's cheeks seemed more compelled than upset, and for whatever reason Shane wanted to chase that, see wherever that led, leaving the safe ground his feet had been firmly planted on and take a leap into the unknown.

"I said, maybe, it's because you're a slut."

Ryan darkened further, his legs uncrossed and separated subconsciously perhaps, but it seemed like an invitation.

"Maybe it's because you like putting yourself in places that terrify you because you know I'm going to be there to ground you into the moment, because you know only I can give you what you really need." 

The air is crackling with the look they share, and he's so close to him it wouldn't be hard to just reach out and-Ryan giggles, mostly out of nerves, and they both look at the camera and allow themselves to laugh as the moment passes. 

From the other side of the camera Teej wipes at his brow and sucks on his teeth. Yeah, most of that footage was gonna have to be scrapped. Fan service was one thing, this was a whole 'nother ball game. 

* * *

Shane follows Ryan out of the studio sometime later, and when Ryan invites him over like he would on any other Friday night it feels different somehow, the anticipation is there, and Shane feels that it's not, that it can't be only him. 

Ryan gets there first, and he answers his door shirtless and Shane just stares. "I was just going to...shower first," Ryan is saying, and usually Shane would make some quip about not buying tickets to the gun show or something of that nature but he's staring and he sees a pretty flush creep up Ryan's chest. 

Shane can hear the shower running in the bathroom and Ryan is licking his lips and looking up at him, and then Shane says, "Mind if I join you," and Ryan's jaw drops. "Um, no, not at all, I mean-holy shit, yeah, okay." 

 He follows Ryan back to his bathroom and can see him hesitate, just inside, like maybe he's reading this wrong, but Shane doesn't let that thought develop because he's pushing Ryan against the wall and kissing him and Ryan is spreading his legs like he did on the chair, and Shane pushes a leg between them. 

 "I thought you didn't like the fan fiction," Ryan pants as Shane fiddles with the belt on his jeans, and Shane smirks against his mouth, "I never said that." 

Ryan huffs an incredulous laugh, "You want to corrupt me, Madej?" and he sounds much too cocky and coherent- he'll have to try harder.

"Something like that, baby," Shane's hand is wrapped around his cock and he bucks into it, "to be fair," Shane says, "you corrupted me first," and he lets himself be undressed and led under the shower spray. 

Ryan can't stop kissing him, but Shane knows the hot water isn't going to last and he has plans. 

He flips Ryan around and murmurs "Hands on the wall," and enjoys the visible shudder that wracks through the smaller man as he hurries to comply-putting both hands palm down against the cool tile.

Shane's behind him, and he's kissing Ryan's neck and his hips have alighted so perfectly with the small of Ryan's back that he leans a little lower until he's able to rut himself against Ryan's perfect little ass.

Ryan's whining and Shane bites the junction between his neck and shoulder, making Ryan's hips stutter forward. 

"Please-" Ryan gasps, "fuck, just, touch me, please-" 

"I am touching you," Shane says, teasing, and his cock is now sliding between Ryan's cheeks, and Ryan's head hits the tile and he chokes on a gasp. His beautiful shoulders are shaking with the strain of keeping his hands on the wall, but he hasn't taken them off yet, and Shane knows he won't. 

"Madej, sir, daddy, whatever you want, just...please," Ryan whines, and Shane takes pity on him, his hand wraps around him, and enjoys how it makes Ryan press up against him, how his hips stutter, and then Shane is grinding harder and tugging at him in a constant motion under the spray and Ryan is moaning and not at all quiet as Shane grunts in his ear.

"You close, slut?" he says, popping the "t", his voice is low and gravely and Ryan shivers again. "Yes, yes, please-"

And Shane twists his hand and Ryan keens into him, almost sobbing his name and Shane feels him come hot over his hand. 

"Good boy," Shane smirks, and then he's thrusting against him again and Ryan pushes back against him, "yes, yes fuck me," Ryan chants, and Shane's hips stutter, and Ryan moans, "please I want to feel you, fill me up," and Shane comes like a rocket, hot and thick over Ryan's ass. 

Ryan is chuckling softly as he feels Shane shakily move to wipe him down, (maybe gripping at as ass a bit more than necessary-almost kneading it) and he turns in Shane's arms, wrapping his arms around his neck. 

"I knew that'd work on you," he teases and Shane is flushed but he only arches a brow, adjusting his hands on Ryan's hips, "just now or back in the studio?"

"Both," Ryan says, grinning and Shane pulls him into a smiling kiss, "Liar." 

Ryan blushes, "Maybe-" "Tease," Shane accuses and Ryan's grin widens, "Definitely." But then his stomach growls and Ryan looks momentarily embarrassed. 

"Dinner?" Shane asks, and Ryan grins appreciatively, "Chipotle?" and Shane nuzzles at his cheek with his nose, "You know it." 

Shane helps him finish washing, sudsing up Ryan's tan skin, and then calls over the washing spray, "maybe we can read some fanfiction after dinner?" and Ryan's wheeze makes him smile. 


End file.
